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Written by Joe Tetreault | 05 December 2012

Technically, this is a basketball story, but as the one kid I knew who loved Converse sneakers and DonJoy knee braces, this is business, and personal.  Many years ago, the best sneaker commercials were not Nike.  Nike was hatching the brilliant ad campaigns that would feature Michael Jordan and Spike Lee.  But til that point, Converse reigned supreme.  With the three biggest stars in the NBA universe they had the star power.  And as dated as this ad appears, it was wicked cool way back when. 

It does me good to see stuff like this. Very much happiness.

Anything that helps resurrect the Converse brand is a very good thing.  Word to your mother, as Converse is just awesome in every way possible.  

An ideal pair of men’s shoes would have four qualities. First, they would be good-looking. I don’t like shoes with pointed toes, high heels, or a lot of unnecessary decoration. I like a plain brown or black shoe made of good leather. Second, they would be durable. I don’t want a pair of shoes that will wear out in a few months. I expect a good pair of shoes to last a few years. When I buy shoes, I look for good materials (leather uppers, hard rubber soles and heels) and good workmanship. Third, they would not be expensive. Of course, I expect to pay for quality, but I don’t think I should need to get a bank loan to buy shoes. I think the kind of shoes I like should cost around $120. Fourth, and most important, they would be comfortable. I spend a lot of time on my feet. I’m a teacher, and I’m usually standing or pacing around when I’m in the classroom. I also like to walk and I get most of my regular exercise by walking. An uncomfortable pair of shoes would make my life miserable. If I could find a pair of shoes with these four qualities, I might buy two or three pairs. Then I wouldn’t have to buy shoes again for a long time. And of course, a smart basketball player knows that you always need Ankle braces with your sneakers!

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Written by Joe Tetreault | 26 January 2011

THE SUPER BOWL ADS ARE SLOWLY TRICKLING OUT, including the allegedly banned ones, but Althouse reminds us, the proof is in the pudding. 

The network refuses to comment on claims it has rejected an ad, so all you've got is a company with an immense self-interest in lying about it. You know, I'm not even going to link to the news website I'm talking about, because the answer to the question in the post title is that the news site is whoring for traffic.

UPDATE: Original title suggested the ads were watchable, that's been fixed. Sorry for the misleading title.

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Written by Joe Tetreault | 30 December 2010

WHY RESTAURANT WEBSITES ARE TERRIBLE Serious Eats points out what all restaurant visitors already know. The websites promoting the eateries suck. And why not? Restauranteurs should worry about food, not selling the food, right? Wrong. Here's why they suck: Reason the first: most chain restaurants are corporate subsidiaries and corporate committees make horrible marketing decisions. Reason the second: to most web designers flash and other widgets are cooler than functional text. Reason the third, corporate committees want to appear hip and eschew function in favor of style. Reason the fourth, small chains are afraid of appearing different and less appealing than their big time competition. Reason the fifth: all sites sink to the lowest common denominator. All of these sites would be better if they appreciated that most people accessing their sites in a hurry and want information quickly and easily. If they were to get it, those customers will alter their plans and visit that establishment instead of their frustrating competition.  It's not that hard to make the changes, but it requires a marketing director who is eager to emphasize function over style and thus appeal to their customers.

If you are a restaurant owner and you want to make a difference, drop me a line.  I can help.

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Written by Joe Tetreault | 11 June 2010

An automated voice advised me that it had an important call for me. But, if it was important, wouldn't its worth necessitate the use of a living, breathing, thinking human being on the other end of the line to tell me precisely why the call for me was important?  I think it would.  The premise of the first sentence having been rejected prima facie, I hung up.

Note to my fellow marketers, continue to insult us and we will hang up every time.

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Written by Joe Tetreault | 16 December 2009

Sitting at my desk, performing the functions for which I am compensated (cough meagerly cough cough), I answered a call that presented an abundance of FAIL.  Messaging is among the most important aspects of any business, which is why the failure of robocalls delight me incessantly.  Upon answering the ringing phone I was advised that (in fairness to the perpetrators of such corporate failure, the company's name has been altered) Canmerican Distress has an important message for me.  Which amazes me, because I haven't done business with Canmerican Distress in nearly a decade, so clearly the message was not intended for me.

I sat patiently looking forward to telling the caller that I don't have an account with Canmerican Distress, nor have I purchased any of their services.  But rather than being greeted by an ill-prepared outsourced customer service representative calling from someplace where the sun descended many hours earlier, I received an automated recording advising me to call some number if I was looking to report a stolen card, before the automated message cut off and the call was disconnected.

Hallelujah, Holy Frackin' Fail, Batman!

We live in an era of near ubiquitous cellular telephony and companies continue to robocall other businesses looking to share important messages with their consumer clients.  What a waste of resources.  What a colossal and egregious example of large corporation thinking.  Customers are worth so very little that the courtesy of speaking with them as equals requires too much money to be cost-effective.  No recorded message has ever sold me anything by intruding on my time.  Any corporation considering using this mechanism to try to sell anyone, anything should think again.  Insulting potential customers by interrupting them, whatever they may be doing, and failing to provide a person to promote your message, ensures your message isn't going to get through.

But, do feel free to keep calling me.  Cheap entertainment is always welcome.

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